Ok, so I have decided that my recent post about embracing the craziness in my life was a moment of insanity! At least that is how it feels right now. It's a great and beautiful idea...truly, but let's face it...WE ARE ONLY HUMAN.
I somehow thought that by simply accepting my life for what it is right now would magically make all the stress less, um, well, stressful. That by looking at myself and saying, "There's no reason to fight what you can't change," would make all the craziness more tolerable. I WAS WRONG!
I am figuring out that this idea of embracing the craziness, loving the unlovable, and smiling in the face of literal and actual mental instability is an ongoing decision...usually one that has to be made at least once every single day.
I am also figuring out things about life and marriage that no one ever tells you.
The other day I simply looked at my dear suffering husband and said, "For real, honey. This is why so many people get divorced." Not that my husband and I are in any danger of that, but I finally realized what it is that eats away at so many marriages. Especially once children, and by that I mean multiple children, come along(the boom was dropped once we brought home our 3rd child). The stress level goes through the roof, you are simply doing whatever you have to do to get by until it's time for the kids to go to bed, and unfortunately once the kids are in bed you realize that it's not enough. Not enough for you, not enough for your spouse and not enough for your kids. This is then followed by a huge helping of guilt which then in turn makes you begin to be angry and resentful because, let's face it, it's not what you thought it would be, is it? In that moment, there is a choice to make. One of those I-really-don't-want-to-make-this-choice-but-I'm-a-grown-up choices. You can either turn TO your spouse or you can turn AGAINST your spouse. Unfortunately most people, it seems, take option number two. We look at our partners and for whatever unstable reason is floating in our heads, we blame them for it all. If they were home more, if they would help out around the house more, if they would give more attention to me, to the kids, to the house, heck, to the dog. We start to regress into that childlike state of "It's not fair!" Well, maybe it's not fair BUT, as one of my favorite sayings goes...IT IS WHAT IT IS. We can either accept it and make the best out of it or we can let it get to us and make us into an angry, resentful, grumpy, frumpy person.
I personally, would rather have my wonderful husband there by my side then blame him for everything and end up having to face it all alone.
So, having thought through all of this, I am continually making the choice to enjoy whatever state I happen to be in at the time...hopefully just like Paul when he said that he has learned to be content in whatever circumstances he is in. Lord help us all!
